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The reason autistic people identify as LGBTQI more than allistic people is a mystery still but the theory that we "just don't give a shit" is strongly endorsed in the comments.
#Autism #autistic #neurodiverse #lgbtqi #ActuallyAutistic

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@ideogram anecdotally, I and some other autistic folks I know all have some struggle with understanding gender as a concept. It may contribute, I guess? It seems to be that part of social norms, and autistic people are known for struggling with understanding those, so probably just another side to it?

Bernie Does It Another Year

@olena @ideogram Gender is easy to understand as an . There are two sets of unwritten rules. One of them you are supposed to VERY MUCH and the other one you are supposed to NEVER. This is supposed to be very important to you for reasons and it's supposed to be obvious to you which set of behaviors you want to do. Violating these unwritten rules is punished even more severely than violating the regular unwritten rules because these are more important.

@BernieDoesIt @ideogram meantime, the official rulebook says that A can be anything and B can be anything, so you’re standing there wondering what makes A or B then

@olena @ideogram Of course the official rulebooks say that, because allistics have the annoying habit of saying what they wish was true and meaning something completely different. What they really mean is that the penalties for violating some of the rules have been reduced or eliminated, and you can easily figure out which rules those are by paying attention to who gets away with what.

@olena @ideogram That said, not everyone who is is like that. One of my children has a very strong sense of gender and asked me a lot of questions about what they* could do and not do when they were little. I don't relate at all, but it makes them happy and it doesn't seem to hurt them at all, so good for them.

*pronouns obscured for anonymity

@olena @ideogram But I did make it clear that as far as I was concerned there's nothing they're not allowed to do.

@BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram one of my #actuallyautistic children is non-binary and aro-ace, the other is a girl and is “65% sure” of her sexuality 😂

@lkanies @olena @ideogram I feel like if she could find a way to qualify everyone's sexuality with that precision she'd make the world a better place.

@BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram When my kid asked one of these questions around age ... 4? I just shrugged and told'em "why pick when you can have both"? I have no personal use for the "gender" notion, so why propagate it? I'm "male" in the same way I'm "a capricorn" - useless labels people stuck on me that have no bearing on who I actually am. I understand the words and where they come from and I understand that some people think they are 𝑟𝑒𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑦 𝑖𝑚𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑡 and as far as I can tell they bring no value to my table...

@SvenGeier @BernieDoesIt @ideogram oh, this “I am male in the same way I’m a capricorn” - is exactly how I feel about the gender. A useless label that means nothing to me personally, and not something I account for when interacting with people, which I don’t care if other use and have very faint idea what they are expecting from me based on it and which I frankly don’t want to study as anyway I don’t plan to comply with all those expectations (which will anyway be different for different people sticking that label to me)

@BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram And for even more irony, the official model is actively horribly wrong with respect to what people actually do.

@BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram See, I don't believe this because I have strong gender and I have never really done the "my gender" things yet I feel very "my gender". So I would say this is like watching a movie and mistaking the cgi stuff for real. Gender and the rules are not the same for me, one is how I feel and the other is someone's cgi version of it. Unless you define gender as being the set of rules, it isn't for me.

@Antiqueight @olena @ideogram That's valid. If I understand the theory correctly, then in my explanation that would correspond to identifying which rulebook is yours while disregarding the rules in the book.

@Antiqueight @olena @ideogram But yes, I'm definitely trying to explain things outside my experience to other people with a similar lack of experience.

@BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram
For me the best description I have is for both gender and identity - it's like being Right or Left handed. You just are. Some people are ambidexterous to a greater or lesser extent but those people who are left handed can't explain why they are, and ditto right handed people. And you can't tell just by looking at a person which they prefer. Rules and expectations and societal norms and all can take a hike, people just know themselves if they're 1, other, both, not

@Antiqueight @BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram
And there were a lot more left handed people after they stopped being demonized and forced to try and be right handed, such as having their hands slapped with a ruler in school for writing left handed.

@the5thColumnist @BernieDoesIt @olena @ideogram Right, exactly. "where did all these left handed people come from - they weren't there when *I* was in school" etc.... or "did you try NOT being left handed"?

@Antiqueight @the5thColumnist @olena @ideogram Meanwhile we handless people are nodding along hoping that understanding this whole thing about handedness isn't going to end up being important.

@BernieDoesIt @the5thColumnist @olena @ideogram Exactly, you'd be the "not" mentioned at the end there. In another time you'd still have had no hands but been told you must identify as right handed while knowing nothing about what that should mean to you. Today we hope people realise that there are those for whom the question "Are you right or left handed?" is utterly meaningless if only due to the lack of appropriate appendages.

@BernieDoesIt @the5thColumnist @olena @ideogram Rather reminds me of the question "Are You Protestant Jews or Roman Catholic Jews?"
jstor.org/stable/3526847