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Low Quality Facts

Trying to find my people on Mastodon. Please boost and follow me if you:

-Believe that cheesecake is a right, not a privilege.
-Mentally greet each bird you see just in case they are telepathic.
-Think that cruise ships are too heavy to float and refuse to listen anytime someone attempts to explain the physics of it to you.
-Don't see why the government can't criminalize "It's just a prank bro" Youtube videos.
-Want inanimate objects with googly eyes to be eligible to run for president.

@lowqualityfacts I don't really understand how buses, famously much longer vehicles than cars, can go round corners. If that counts for anything.

@teahands @lowqualityfacts: Insanely short turning circles. I'm guessing it's a function of the suspension, because I've frequently got really pissed off at how wide the turning circle is on my current car compared to my older one.

@teahands @lowqualityfacts It has something to do with the world appearing to be flat, when in fact it is really just Hyper - Möbius strip wall paper on a Tesseract's wall. Flat-Earthers refuse to accept this simple mathematical reality.

Read the Parabola of The Cheesecake by Saint Ezekiel-Terrestrial

@lowqualityfacts

The ship is still lighter than all the water it pushes away (and fills with air). How can that be hard to understand?

@niclas@angrytoday.com I am sorry you are angry. Unfortunately the cause is not the confluence of external forces you believe it to be.

I am afraid it is an internal matter. The symptoms are clear: a self-manufactured allergy to whimsy, regular conniptions, irony deficiency.

@lowqualityfacts@mstdn.social

@pilcrow @niclas@angrytoday.com

nah they just don’t understand jokes

@lowqualityfacts

@lowqualityfacts do all have to apply to boost or can i boost if only some apply

@lowqualityfacts

It would be far better if the government went the extra mile and criminalized all social media “influencers”

@lowqualityfacts

“But this ship can’t sink!”

“She is made of iron sir. I assure you she can.”

“Well Mr. Ismay I do believe you may get your headlines.”

@lowqualityfacts volume determines buoyancy, not weight. If the object takes up enough space, it floats, no matter how heavy it is.

@lowqualityfacts
I verbally greet each bird I see just in case they aren't telepathic :/
(See also bees, spiders, and various bugs)

@lowqualityfacts ships don't float. It's just that the water sinks faster than they do.

@lowqualityfacts As long as you’ll back me up on, “Listen, officer—if a monkey can drive a spaceship, then my dog can drive a car.”

@lowqualityfacts The birds you DON'T see are the ones you have to worry about. 🐦👀

@lowqualityfacts is that AND or OR? And are you expanding your bubble? Or is this just you, asking for more you?

@lowqualityfacts You so often find one thing I'm not really sure about...

@lowqualityfacts lol, of course they're telepathic. Everybody knows that birds aren't real. They're just government drones that are designed to read your mind and control everyone!

@lowqualityfacts I've made it a habit for years to gauge what the weather will do by what birds are out. Also, keeping eyes on crows. I think they're one species "practicing" to take over our evolutionary niche if we hominids don't get our collective act together.

@lowqualityfacts
been trying to reply to this with an admittedly only tangentially related video for 2 days and... I don't think it's going to work.