Children who behave like children are the ones that are doing okay. The easy-to-handle ones, the "old souls", the "wise-beyond-their-years" have had adult roles shoved on to them and don't feel safe showing their childlike side.
Sincerely, the teacher who your "surprisingly mature" children break down in front of.
EDIT: That's more engagement than I ever thought I could get. Not sure if I can handle this much. Muting this thread.
@Tattie
@jaycee sad but true. A kid would *finally* say something silly or make a joke in class after being dutifully submitting their homework and toeing the line for months and immediately start apologizing profusely. Meanwhile the others have been cracking such jokes and sharing laughs since day 1.
@Theorem_Poem oof - another post to add to the therapy pile!
It's so very sadly true...
@Theorem_Poem This is - sadly - so true!
@Theorem_Poem Interesting! Last sentence should read 'teacher.... breakS down...."??
@sister_ratched @Theorem_Poem No, because it's the children who are breaking down. (Sorry, my inner word/grammar nerd escaped.)
@MelissaBenyon @Theorem_Poem Yes, it's ambiguous. Could be either.
@Theorem_Poem I never broke down, and maybe I should have
@freja I'm sorry. I hope you find safe spaces.
@Theorem_Poem I'm in a comparatively very good place now, after I realized (as an adult) that I don't need to live up to any of those expectations, and nobody really cares if I don't
@Theorem_Poem A related idea : a good teacher once told me that the kids who push behaviour boundaries in class are often doing it because it's not safe for them to push any boundaries at home. I'd said to her that somehow our kids were "good" at school and "bad" (ie more difficult) at home, what were we doing wrong? And she said, no, that's the way you want it to be, all kids will push boundaries, and they'll do it where it feels safest for them.
@MelissaBenyon Hmmm. I do think kids test the boundaries anyway. Kids who really push behaviour boundaries are rare, and often have a lot of things going on.
@Theorem_Poem I feel seen…except for breaking down in front of any teacher .
And none of that old soul business …the meds that kept me alive as a child had the side effect of me not feeling like a child .
Think St. Alia of the Knife but without the Knife .
@MishaVanMollusq sorry you had to go through that.
@Theorem_Poem a few years back my wife and I helped her mom pick up a couch from someone who lived in town that was selling it. At the home there were three, very, well behaved children, that followed every move of us like clockwork. They seemed very mature for only being less than ten years old.
When we got back to the car I told my wife those kids were abused. She asked how I knew and I said that's how we all acted as kids around guests and strangers.
@AtheistIntelligence sorry you had to do that.
@Theorem_Poem FWIW: I read a lot from neurodivergents, undiagnosed until adulthood (if at all), who say that they spent their childhoods being called “old souls” and “wise beyond their years”.
@CaptainFlab ah, yes. That's another thing to consider.
@Theorem_Poem
i was kind of that kid. i mean, i did play and be childlike sometimes, but in many social situations, i basically acted like my parents. i didnt want to socialize with kids who couldnt really act so calm or who i didnt know. the adults table was easy; i could just sit with my parents and answer any questions im asked. i think i learned the tone of mature conversation that way, and otherwise absorbed knowledge like a sponge.
maybe it was shyness, maybe it was neurodivergence, maybe it was anxiety, i dont know.
the only times i might have broken down is when the focus was on me lol..
@katve I hope that you have found the support to show all your sides
@Theorem_Poem I'm still dealing with the consequences of being "surprisingly mature" when I was younger; I probably will be for the rest of my life.
@internet_ryan hope you find safe spaces.
@Theorem_Poem that's kind of our wish as parents of one of those children always misbehaving
We want to believe that, but sadly at the moment it's just a far-fetched hope!
@Theorem_Poem What are you doing in xir autobiography? (And *thank you* for sharing this.)
@Theorem_Poem needed to hear this today, thank you