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elle

the CDC now recommends getting an aquarium and growing your own leeches

@ElleGray Meet your new primary care physician!

@ElleGray I can't tell if this is a joke or real without googling it.

@8000mark @ElleGray
And you still can't tell even after Googling it
#AIslop

@ElleGray that sounds like something a brainworm would recommend. 😉

@ElleGray CDC doesn’t recommend shit now because all outbound communications have been paused.

@ElleGray But don't talk about it or you'll end up on the POTUS hit-list 🤬

@ElleGray have they mentioned tge humors yet?

@ElleGray Domestic or foreign? I hear domestic leeches really suck...

@ElleGray im opening a treppaning clinic in the back of my electroshock lab, for those interested

@ElleGray

Australia's Children's Hospital Network can help.

BTW, I now want to be a medical professional who helps a leech form an attachment with its patient! 🤯

"Sometimes leeches do not want to attach to a body part. This can be because there are chemicals in the skin that the leeches do not like. The nurses and doctors will try to help the leech attach during the treatment."

schn.health.nsw.gov.au/leech-t

The Sydney Children's Hospitals NetworkLeech therapy (hirudotherapy) factsheetMedical grade leeches are sometimes used in surgery that involved re-attaching a body part, such as a finger and grafting soft tissues, like muscles. This is called hirudotherapy.

@ElleGray No, thanks. I'll get by just fine without them.

@ElleGray You are really wicked - Live long and prosper. 🖖

@ElleGray@mstdn.social
Don't forget to stop by Home Depot and pick up a new drill. I hear trepanning is coming back in style!

@ElleGray
I've got 2 cats, growing my own fleas. Does that count?

@ElleGray seems to be just a backup for the warm-blooded leeches in the new govt...

@ElleGray
Have they released any new guidelines for bloodletting? The latest I've seen are several centuries out of date.

@ElleGray But how can I afford an aquarium big enough to hold a single billionaire in this economy, let alone multiple billionaires?

@ElleGray Aquarium industry instantly readies increased orange felon "campaign donations".

@ElleGray ....with helpful "how-to" videos on bloodletting coming soon....!

.@ElleGray True story: In college, I saw leeches in a drainage ditch, so I took a stick and a big abandoned beer bottle (college, right), and captured a few dozen. Was going to donate them to a science teacher, but it was late, I wanted to see a film on campus, so I asked a good friend’s sister, who lived in a sorority dorm to… well, I forgot, until I got home to a ringing phone. Emptied that dorm, I did. Who knew leeches could climb glass? For weeks many beauties pointed middle fingers at me.

@iDGS hahaha. I love a good college story

@ElleGray shoot, thanks for the reminder. #Siri, add leeches to the shopping list.

@ElleGray

Brb, gotta move some stuff for the aquarium.

@ElleGray that's pretty much all healthcare is these days anyways... A bunch of leeches

@ElleGray
Growing at home takes jobs from hardworking farmers!

@ElleGray Get your plague mask here while supplies last. Mastodon subscribers get an immediate %15 discount

@ElleGray
I can't find that web page. I need more detailed instructions.