No, you're not a bad PERSON for having been rude to a disabled person or people before.
But the BEHAVIOURS can be bad.

Yes, the assumption of "knowing" someone else's intent (often negative, from experience) hurts people.

Disabled people get that a lot. Ask me how I know. Yes, disabled people do it to each other too. Almost like we're also human individuals or something.

(d/Deaf people, I'm not trying to overreach here, sorry. I'm more responding to things other hearing people have said to me when I mention how gd useful and interesting BSL is.)

https://www.teachmesign.co.uk/bsl-courses-online/

No, not everyone else wants to "just learn English".

Should they have to anyway, just because it'd be easier for *you*?

Would you like to learn Portuguese, Swahili, or Hindi? Many people speak those languages too.

Except try learning when you can't hear other speakers very well, and it's tonal, and people assume you're being rude EVERY single time you make an honest mistake.

(d/Deaf people, I'm not trying to overreach here, sorry. I'm more responding to things other hearing people have said to me when I mention how gd useful and interesting BSL is.)

https://www.british-sign.co.uk/

While I'm at it: learn BSL!
(Or the gestural / facial expression language, created by and for d/Deaf people in your region.
ASL can mean American Sign Language or Australian Sign Language.)

Even just enough to say "hello, my name is..., how are you?, goodbye" is a huge step, thank you!

British Sign Language is important for d/Deaf culture across the UK. It's useful in noisy or distance environments too.

Consider pubs, train stations, through windows in a car or building, or communicating near a housemate, child or pet who is sleeping.
(These are examples of 'situational disability'. Anyone can be affected by a situational disability, including otherwise abled people.)

https://rnid.org.uk/information-and-support/deaf-awareness/british-sign-language/

Learn about Active Listening. It's literally just listening, tbqh.
Pay attention with intent to understand, not to form your reply.

Yes, this is a skill for d/Deaf people, people who are Hard of Hearing (HoH), people with auditory impairments or Auditory Processing Disorder, too.

(APD is like when d/Dyslexic people or other ND people struggle to understand what you say in a café or restaurant.)

To listen can mean "to intake sensory input or search for information" as well as "to hear sound or speech".

https://www.mindtools.com/az4wxv7/active-listening
https://positivepsychology.com/active-listening-techniques/
https://www.bhf.org.uk/informationsupport/heart-matters-magazine/wellbeing/how-to-talk-about-health-problems/active-listening

https://www.coursera.org/articles/active-listening
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Active_listening
https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/books/NBK442015/

Mutual Aid? It means "to help other people".

Mutual means something is shared, 'held in common' or by 'multiple parties, toward each other'. To aid someone means to help, support, or assist them.

You do not need to enjoy or 'agree' with other people to want them to not feel pain or discomfort.
You do not need to solve everyone's problems. You do not need to solve anyone's problems.

You're not their therapist, social worker, parent or carer, supervisor, auditor, personal assistant, or authority figure.
You are not responsible for their actions after you offer / give help.
Free yourself from that responsibility.
Be kind; then return to your own life.

https://www.mutualaid.coop/what-is-mutual-aid/
https://www.mutual-aid.co.uk/
https://simple.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mutual_aid

https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/769258/Mutual-aid-framework.pdf
https://www.fool.co.uk/personal-finance/your-life/guides/what-is-mutual-aid-and-how-is-it-different-from-charity/
https://assets.publishing.service.gov.uk/government/uploads/system/uploads/attachment_data/file/669047/Mutual-aid-briefing.pdf

Got money?
(e.g. your income or livelihood is stable enough not to affect covering next month's needs, plus some fun for a life worth living)

Now may be good to invest in local organisations.
Time, energy, money, equipment, networking, social media, cleaning, babysitting, etc.

My opinion? Focus on: youth groups, public health education, adult retraining, intercommunity outreach, and mutual aid.

Plus any fallible online orgs you believe in, e.g.
Internet Archive, Wikipedia, Posteo.de, Ecosia, PillowFort, Signal, SonarPen, specific indie devs and artists, Nebula, MakerTube.net, LiberaPay, Artisans Coop, etc.

LINK YOUR FAVES too!

Repeated small support is more reliable than big irregular donations, but 'better is always better'.

https://80000hours.org/

(also hi If you like how I phrase things and try to help people,
throw me $2 USD, £2 GBP, etc. Very thank. Much many.

https://ko-fi.com/mxverda or https://patreon.com/MxVerdaArt or https://mxverda.itch.io/ or https://liberapay.com/MxVerda/ or https://subscribestar.adult/mxverde or https://artistree.io/mxverda or https://twitch.tv/mxverda or https://paypal.me/mxverda
)

Staying alive, you can learn or run. You can help others, even when you don't know wtf you're "meant" to be doing.

If you need to recover in the closet to be who you are later, there's nothing wrong with you.
If you need to kick the door down to breathe, I'll kick with you. ("Together, we have great strength of feet!")

This is so fucking stupid, but fuck it. It's where we're at.

Whatever your journey of processing this and surviving it looks like, you are not weak.
Even fellow chronically ill people: your bodies are not weak.

We are surviving the utmost fuckery -- despite Seymour's directions -- while the arc of history bends to conviviality.

https://www.transtexas.org/get-involved

You may need to question dangerous situations for your own sake. (Ideally BEFORE you get near them, but please: it's not your fault if you don't realise until later.)

If no one else and no other organisation, Samaritans is probably your best bet. Otherwise, you can search online but PLEASE. Fuck, there is no general advice I can even give here.

You want "near you" / local, and f2f / in-person where you can. Unfortunately, people of same demographics are most likely to care, but this is NO guarantee, nor should it be.

If you know tech shit:
VPN is probably helpful, depending where you live and what you need to know.

If you don't know tech shit:
only ask people certain questions face to face / in person. Turn your devices off, batteries out, and in another room.
Make it a game! Like training to be a spy, yeah?

https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/contact-samaritan/

Seek community with people who feel safe:
actually warm, stable, secure, NOT upsetting, worrying, or 'wrong'. ("Oh, I want to trust them, but..." then DON'T. "But what about--" NO.
If you *need* something from them to survive or help someone else, take the risks you think you can survive the worst outcomes of sustainably. But otherwise, please value yourself and your wellbeing. If not, please value yourself because I do.)

TRUST YOUR GUT.
Yes, your gut *can* be wrong. Your gut can be racist, sexist, or otherwise shitty. It can keep you from connecting with people who mean well but can't match your expectations while trying to help.
But it's among the best advice I can give.

It's not easy to tell who is safe(r) or not; I'm sorry. I wish it were easy.

It's not your fault if you get it wrong! That's the point of being young and inexperienced: you haven't been alive long enough to experience what you need to know to stay alive and healthy(ish) yet.

You should never have to figure this out alone.

http://mermaidsuk.org.uk/

Baby queers, questioning people, and anyone else, we got you.

This sucks: it's terrifying and unnecessary suffering. This was avoidable, but for powerful people making their selfish fear into our problem.

It's not your fault, never was, and never will be. Your feelings matter, your experiences matter, and even unmet, your needs matter.

You might even say, perhaps -- bizarrely?! -- that b/Black and b/Brown (wait, does that one get the double case slash or) peoples' lives matter.

https://naacp.org/take-action

Much like b/Black people, disabled people, queer people, and other groups pushed out of everyday life all keep saying in various words and intensities over the years:
shit has hit the fan, will continue to hit the fan, and yes, this is going to be tedious and deadly to fix.

But we do, in fact, need to turn off the fan, remove the faeces, sterilise all surfaces and objects in the room, and LEARN what went wrong.

The time will pass either way. We need to accept our current situation to plan how to fix it.

https://zeppelin.flights/@Shelly/113874819486684236