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#johnmastodon

74 posts13 participants1 post today
John Mastodon<p>I'd have to write this because people tend to get confused when they only listen it</p><p>I really like whores back-riding</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I wrote this haiku after speaking to my emotional support crow:</p><p>The escalator<br>Crying like the blue problem<br>Outside the baby</p><p>Heed the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>This cocktail is the current favourite in the executive bar at Mastodon Towers. The barman calls it the Podgorica Neck Tingler.</p><p>Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 dragon fruit. Add 2 measures of single-malt Scotch whisky, 3 measures of methylated spirit and 3 measures of armagnac. Top up with ice cream soda. Shake frantically for 8 minutes, then strain into a champagne flute. Lechyd da!</p><p>This is <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, signing out.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Here's a little recipe from my cocktail book. I call it the Taiyuan Lip Remover.</p><p>Half-fill a cocktail shaker with ice. Into this pour the juice of 4 strawberries. Add 2 measures of moonshine, 4 measures of Canadian whisky and 3 measures of lighter fluid. Top up with green tea. Shake alluringly for 17 minutes, then strain into a slipper. Bottoms up!</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>What if we gave the city of Stockton-on-Tees to the Ayatollah Khomeini?</p><p>Ignore the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> at your peril.</p>
John Mastodon<p>But, but, coca cola, mc donald's, starbucks, hollywood...</p><p>Japan PM Ishiba urges less US dependence as Tokyo faces new tariffs</p><p><a href="https://www.reuters.com/business/japan-pm-ishiba-urges-less-us-dependence-tokyo-faces-new-tariffs-2025-07-10/" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://www.</span><span class="ellipsis">reuters.com/business/japan-pm-</span><span class="invisible">ishiba-urges-less-us-dependence-tokyo-faces-new-tariffs-2025-07-10/</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>The elegant CBM salesman took off his socks yesterday.</p><p>Heed the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>.</p>
John Mastodon<p>When not bribing the gangster works as expected!</p><p>China’s economy beats expectations in face of Trump’s trade war</p><p><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/business/2025/jul/15/china-economy-beats-expectations-trump-trade-war" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://www.</span><span class="ellipsis">theguardian.com/business/2025/</span><span class="invisible">jul/15/china-economy-beats-expectations-trump-trade-war</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Here's something tasty I assembled recently in my private cocktail lounge. I call it the Wilson Confidence Jolter.</p><p>Take an empty cocktail shaker. Into this pour the juice of 5 grapes. Add 4 measures of acetone, 2 measures of absinthe and 5 measures of dark rum. Top up with Coca-Cola. Shake vigorously for 13 minutes, then strain into a plastic beaker. Cheers!</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Please consider these lines from my diary:</p><p>John Mastodon was jogging in Saint Petersburg. An old woman demanded "What is the nature of Buddha?" John whispered: "You will find the answer at the bottom of suffering."</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, your sage advisor.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:</p><p>Forever shining<br>Becoming ever stronger<br>The thin microscope</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>Study these words carefully:</p><p>Miss World practises the French horn often.</p><p><a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has cast those pearls before you. Do with them what you will.</p>
John Mastodon<p>His presence is like getting-out-of-the-corruption-closet for soccer!</p><p>Trump’s presence at Chelsea’s trophy lift was a fitting coda to a misguided tournament</p><p><a href="https://www.theguardian.com/football/2025/jul/14/the-club-world-cup-final-was-the-latest-example-of-politics-hijacking-football" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://www.</span><span class="ellipsis">theguardian.com/football/2025/</span><span class="invisible">jul/14/the-club-world-cup-final-was-the-latest-example-of-politics-hijacking-football</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon<p>He has a history of doing pretty much everything: sexual harrasment, corruption, lying, cheating his wife. He can increase tomato production no doubt about it!</p><p>US imposes a 17% duty on fresh Mexican tomatoes in hopes of boosting domestic production</p><p><a href="https://apnews.com/article/mexico-tomatoes-duty-commerce-e1b113bfb9458d2443d5bb999795375c" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://</span><span class="ellipsis">apnews.com/article/mexico-toma</span><span class="invisible">toes-duty-commerce-e1b113bfb9458d2443d5bb999795375c</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon<p>Suck can cock my gigantic trump! </p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a> <a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/dyslexicthinking" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>dyslexicthinking</span></a></p>
John Mastodon<p>WOW! And yet, nobody cares about the clown and his personal vendetta against his worldwide impopularity issue!</p><p>Trump sets 50-day tariff deadline for Russia to end war in Ukraine</p><p><a href="https://www.cbc.ca/news/world/ukraine-war-trump-rutte-1.7584415" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://www.</span><span class="ellipsis">cbc.ca/news/world/ukraine-war-</span><span class="invisible">trump-rutte-1.7584415</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon<p>After almost 70 thousand civilians killed, it's the least that can be done! <a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/FuckMoses" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>FuckMoses</span></a> </p><p>Spain and Ireland to join more than 20 states to declare ‘concrete measures’ against Israel</p><p><a href="https://www.middleeasteye.net/news/spain-and-ireland-join-more-20-states-declare-concrete-measures-against-israel" rel="nofollow noopener" translate="no" target="_blank"><span class="invisible">https://www.</span><span class="ellipsis">middleeasteye.net/news/spain-a</span><span class="invisible">nd-ireland-join-more-20-states-declare-concrete-measures-against-israel</span></a></p><p><a href="https://mastodon.online/tags/johnmastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>johnmastodon</span></a></p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:</p><p>The amazing man<br>Becoming ever stronger<br>Next to the model</p><p>These are the words of <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>I wrote this haiku whilst coding the latest Mastodon update:</p><p>The noisy toothbrush<br>Friendlier than the ice cube<br>Inside the fir tree</p><p>I am <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a>, and I will always be your friend.</p>
John Mastodon :mastodon:<p>This morning I walked in the Valley of Mastodon and wrote this haiku:</p><p>The undertaker<br>Billowing like the biscuit<br>Inside the suitcase</p><p>Be grateful, for <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/JohnMastodon" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#<span>JohnMastodon</span></a> has spoken to you.</p>
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