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#traumarecovery

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another dream i wanted to live, run away with the #punk circus of #MutoidWaste 🖤🏴

joerush.com/i-am-a-mutoid

i got their truck but my chaos life prevented me from getting it done. i feel this dream has been stolen from me, by all the so called men who took advantage, raped and abused me and made me flee for my life. nobody helped or intervened. some laughed and took the piss out of my trauma induced behaviour. fuck you, little boys, and fucking shame on you too.
now i am liberating my self, i will pursue my old dreams anyway. not by joining a punk circus, but by starting my own. this time i #TakeNoShitDoNoHarm instead i'll teach you a lesson. hard or soft, depending on level of respect shown.

#TraumaRecovery #anarchism #art #music #peace #NAtraveller #MutualAid #community #GifsArtidote see my work here gifsartidote.life

youtu.be/GjKlUum54Mo?

Already noticing the benefits of my recent difficult light & shadow therapy work investments, on my first day back to work, after taking 2 unpaid weeks off to recover from recent medical issues. Also, my black eye is almost all gone - using concealer to cover up rest of the bruising.

I was triggered by a mean & covert racist person within an hour of being at work. They made fun of my mask & also told me that I dress weirdly. I didn't react. I ignored them & just kept wheeling my client out to the gardens. I didn't fall for their bait again. I'm proud of myself. In the recent past, I'd have reacted & given them my energy again. I reported them for being abusive today too.

I'm growing in multiple ways, right now. Safe, compassionate therapy has helped me to do that, intentionally. The difficulties & discomforts, while doing the work, are worth my personal improvement investments. Choosing to evolve is a strong personal choice. I am choosing to evolve. The wounded little girl inside of me feels immensely grateful for my present choices to transform my past pains into present powers.

I have had my tea & am heading back to finish up with my clients.

Tonight in class we explored relational ethics, also known as caring ethics. I’m skipping over the lesson itself to focus on what came up for me.

There is an assumption in relational ethics that every one has access to multiple caring relationships beyond therapy. Therapy offers connection, others in a person's life are expected to provide emotional nourishment as well. Some people arrive without any safe relationships. Many carry histories of trauma, neglect, or isolation. In those situations, therapy becomes the one space offering presence and care. Rules and boundaries shape the work, the relationship often holds the entire emotional weight.

Helping others often gets presented as a response to loneliness. Service becomes a substitute for connection. Provide care, contribute meaningfully, fill time with acts of support. None of this addresses the core need. Loneliness demands recognition, conection and shared experience. External acts do not replace mutual relationships.

Another question arose around empathy. We were asked to think about when we first showed empathy. My answer surprised me. Therapy offered the first safe space where empathy emerged. Childhood lacked attunement, emotional safety, or reflective experience. In that environment, empathy could grow. Survival required internal distance.

During trauma work, a therapeutic relationship provided attuned presence. Over time, emotional empathy stirred. Later experience gave it permission to form and take root.

Some conversations treat empathy as universal or innate. This creates pressure, erasing different pathways toward growth. People raised without emotional safety often build these capacities during adulthood.

I'm still awake & making more tea. Working on finishing my conflict resolution therapy homework. I also spent 3 hours working on tackling my trauma triggers homework. That was pretty heavy yet quite worthwhile to revisit. Sometimes we have to revisit some past growth lessons when our PTSD/CPTSD sets us back, unexpectedly. I just see that as another opportunity to grow & evolve myself even more, in my lifelong journey to heal, turn pain into power & become the best version of me, possible, in this one guaranteed lifetime.

I will be sleeping in tomorrow morning.