Novel sys<p><span class="h-card"><a href="https://kolektiva.social/@ivy" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">@<span>ivy</span></a></span> the most important part of polyamory is _communication_. We're in a massive tangle of a polycule and all very happy (Wilbur tried to map it out once and just plain failed, it's expansive enough not all of our metamours even know one another or that they are a part of it) so it's possible at, in our opinion, any size. </p><p>It's all about establishing what you're comfortable with– is this an open relationship? Would you like to be asked before people are "added on"? Do you want everyone to be dating everyone, or is it alright to have "branches" (we do, which is part of how ours is so large)? Do you want to all be at the same stage in your relationship (eg. if some of you are engaged, should everyone be on the same page?) Those are just some things to start with.</p><p>The _most_ important part is that if you don't feel comfortable anymore, people should understand. You _can_ leave, you _can_ break up with only some people in the relationship, and if that will cause problems then you need to talk it through. Polyamory is about communicating, it's about understanding, it's about accepting, and above all it's about trust. </p><p>One concern a lot of people have going into a polyamorous relationship is "what if one of my partners leaves me to be only with our metamour(s)? That can happen, but that might happen regardless just from them meeting and getting to know each other. Trust that they'll respect you and your feelings. Trust that they care about you. Trust that you matter to them, and things will be okay. -Wilbur and (a bit) Q</p><p><a href="https://kolektiva.social/tags/polyamory" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>polyamory</span></a> <a href="https://kolektiva.social/tags/polyam" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>polyam</span></a> <a href="https://kolektiva.social/tags/queer" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>queer</span></a> <a href="https://kolektiva.social/tags/lgbtq" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>lgbtq</span></a> <a href="https://kolektiva.social/tags/polycule" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>polycule</span></a> <a href="https://kolektiva.social/tags/metamour" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener noreferrer" target="_blank">#<span>metamour</span></a></p>