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That's it. Apologies to anybody who isn't remotely interested and hadn't blocked the hashtag #eurovision

United Kingdom - Remember Monday - What the Hell Just Happened?
The only song on the list that I’ve heard before and it’s not bad. Not great, but better than most of its competitors. I’d put it towards the top of the left hand side.
#UnitedKingdom #eurovision

Ukraine - Ziferblat - Bird of Pray
The way this starts, it’s very much a Disney song. Something from The Lion King or similar. Then.. well.. nothing really happens. I’m left waiting for it to get into its groove, but it never does.
#Ukraine #eurovision

 Switzerland - Zoë Më - Voyage
OK. For the first 45 seconds I was struggling to think of what to write – it was.. just.. bland. Then it turned into a peaceful and inoffensive melody. Certainly better than some others but clearly designed not to win. Thinking about this again, “bland” is definitely the word.
#Switzerland #eurovision

Sweden - KAJ - Bara bada bastu
Slow to get started, but OK when it gets going. Not going to win.
#Sweden #eurovision

Spain - Melody - Esa diva
Made me smile and I wasn’t expecting that. Good beat gets toes tapping. Surprisingly, I like this.
#Spain #eurovision

Slovenia - Klemen - How Much Time Do We Have Left
Melancholic and wistful. Oh, and awful, depressing and repetitive. How much time do we have left? Thankfully no more than three minutes.
#Slovenia #eurovision

Serbia - Princ - Mila
This song is so bland I’d switched off. I was almost two minutes in before I remembered I was meant to be writing up my thoughts. This bilge stupefied my brain.
#Serbia #eurovision

San Marino - Gabry Ponte - Tutta l'Italia
Hmm. Doleful and lacking any personality. Waiting for it to end seems to last a lifetime.
#SanMarino #eurovision

Portugal - Napa - Deslocado
Takes a while to step beyond bland. Another mix of styles. Definitely gets better. Chop the first minute.
#Portugal #eurovision

Poland - Justyna Steczkowska - Gaja
She sounds unhappy. It’s as though somebody dragged her out of bed, gave her a microphone and told her to get on with it. Half-hearted, uninspiring and unintelligible. Another song that could be good with somebody else doing the vocals.
#Poland #eurovision

Norway - Kyle Alessandro - Lighter
Argh. This song is a great example of my Eurovision nightmare – young man trying on a medley of styles and genres to see what fits and not succeeding at any of them. Really, Norway? Really? The only song I desperately want to click “Next” on when it’s only half way through.
#Norway #eurovision

Netherlands - Claude - C'est la vie
Bidding for the French vote with a mix of French/English lyrics. Has a beat but sounds doleful with a phoned in performance. The usual quiet/loud/slow/fast Eurovision fodder. Move along, nothing to see here.
#Netherlands #eurovision

Montenegro - Nina Žižić - Dobrodošli
Ominous music behind a breathy vocal that reminds me of somebody with years of a 40 a day habit. Oooh, she’s turned into Bonnie Tyler now. For some strange reason this left me angry. Tired and angry.
#Montenegro #eurovision

Malta¬Miriana Conte - Serving - English
No. Just no. Another derivative Beyoncé-esque performance exactly the same as pretty much every other Beyoncé wannabe we’ve seen in Eurovision. You’ve heard it before. (not surprised the lyrics have been changed)
#Malta #eurovision

Luxembourg - Laura Thorn - La poupée monte le son
Wait, have we travelled back to the 1960s? I’m sure I saw this song on an old black and white clip on YouTube. La la la la na ya. Great lyrics. Not. Getting very strong “Puppet on a string” vibes. And just to prove me wrong, two minutes in and it changes style. Why? For goodness sakes, this is so much better. Not for me.
#Luxembourg #eurovision

Lithuania - Katarsis - Tavo akys
It’s a Radiohead tribute song. And with a naff song. That was awful.
#Lithuania #eurovision

Latvia - Tautumeitas - Bur man laimi
Think 1960s. Think 5th Dimension singing “Aquarius”. Add a beat and a wall of sound and that’s all you need to know. Surprisingly, I don’t dislike this.
#Latvia #eurovision