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Harmony SeekerIt’s the start of winter, and for the first time in a long while, I’m really feeling the cold. I’ve been wearing a cardigan inside, which is unusual for me. There’s something almost grounding about it, though. Maybe it means I’m finally beginning to feel my body more clearly. That in itself feels like quiet progress.Church today went OK. Rehearsals are still somewhat difficult. I haven’t quite settled back into that rhythm. Once the service begins, though, something shifts. Things tend to flow better, and I can let my voice come through without holding back. My top notes aren’t fully back to where they were before the bout of tonsillitis a few weeks ago, but they’re getting there slowly.Someone is visiting later, and I’m impatient for the time to pass. Waiting has never been my strength, especially when the day feels stretched thin.Next week looks more or less the same. I have exercise scheduled for Monday and Thursday, and support appointments on Tuesday and Saturday. Study threads through the gaps. Two online classes this trimester, focused on models of counselling and ethics in the counselling profession. If I’m honest, the routine is getting a bit monotonous, especially the exercise side of things. Still, repetition isn’t always a bad thing. Sometimes it’s what keeps everything else from unravelling.<a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/WinterReflections" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#WinterReflections</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/NeurodivergentLife" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#NeurodivergentLife</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/SingingThroughIt" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#SingingThroughIt</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/MasterOfCounselling" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#MasterOfCounselling</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/OnlineStudy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#OnlineStudy</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/ChurchAndHealing" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ChurchAndHealing</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/TonsillitisRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#TonsillitisRecovery</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/StructuredLiving" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#StructuredLiving</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/ProcessingTheOrdinary" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ProcessingTheOrdinary</a>

Rachel McDoveSlowly encouraging myself to do more. Even when it's gut wrenchingly scary, like the driving.Or sharing my first finished story in a million years with folk and actually asking for feedback! 😬I'm so nervous about the feelings that might come up. But I'm tired of living in fear of my feelings!Yeah, it might be upsetting, even triggering. But I have to learn how to deal with that. Triggers are a part of life, and I can't learn to ride them out by avoiding things.So, slowly, on my own terms and at my own pace (<a href="https://beige.party/tags/SnailMagic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#SnailMagic</a>), I'm going to keep trying to do the things I want to do!<a href="https://beige.party/tags/Writing" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#Writing</a> <a href="https://beige.party/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a>

Harmony SeekerEvery time stress hits, I find myself trapped in the same pattern. Withdrawal, regret, then scrambling to fix everything. It feels automatic, like something bigger than me takes over. I know what’s happening, though knowing doesn’t always stop it. The freeze response kicks in before I even have a chance to argue.I’ve spent so much time thinking this was laziness, avoidance, or some personal failing. The truth is, it’s a learned response—one that made sense at some point. My nervous system still believes that reaching out is dangerous. That moving forward carries too much risk. That if I wait long enough, the danger will pass. Except, in adulthood, nothing gets better by waiting.There are younger parts of me that still believe help isn’t coming. They hold old fears, old memories, old pain. Their logic is clear: doing nothing is safer than doing something wrong. They aren’t trying to sabotage me. They are trying to protect me in the only way they know how.Then there’s another part—the one that says nothing will change, so stop trying. The one that carries the anger, the exhaustion, the hopelessness. I used to think this part was working against me. Now I see that it’s another protector. It is trying to keep me safe from disappointment, from failure, from getting hurt. It thinks the best way to do that is to shut everything down before I can even begin.Fighting this cycle hasn’t been about forcing myself to take action. That has never worked. The real work has been in slowing down, noticing what’s happening, and giving these parts a voice.🔹 Recognizing the freeze when it starts. 🔹 Letting the protector speak instead of shoving it aside. 🔹 Allowing the younger parts to be heard, even when it’s uncomfortable. 🔹 Taking the smallest possible step forward, even when every part of me wants to disappear.This process is slow. Messy. Frustrating. There are days when it feels like nothing is changing. Then I look at the bigger picture. I stuck with neuroscience despite this pattern. I advocated for myself in counseling. I started writing things down, letting the younger parts speak in ways they never have before.That is change. That is movement. Even when it doesn’t feel like enough, it is proof that I am not where I used to be.<a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/BreakingTheCycle" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#BreakingTheCycle</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/HealingJourney" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#HealingJourney</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/TraumaResponses" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#TraumaResponses</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/SurvivalMode" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#SurvivalMode</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/InnerWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#InnerWork</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/EmotionalNeglect" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#EmotionalNeglect</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/RewiringTheBrain" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#RewiringTheBrain</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/HealingIsMessy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#HealingIsMessy</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/PartsWork" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#PartsWork</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/SelfCompassion" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#SelfCompassion</a> <a href="https://caneandable.social/tags/UnderstandingTheSelf" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#UnderstandingTheSelf</a>

Pinky<a href="https://photog.social/@jfk" class="u-url mention" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">@jfk</a> haha yes. The belt, the wooden spoon, and we even had a proper thick wooden paddle. Good times!😳😳😳😳 <a href="https://hooray.computer/tags/cptsdrecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cptsdrecovery</a>

ThomasI might have body-centered psychotherapy soon again (ugh it's so expensive) ... planning to finish therapy this year though. Which actually sounds doable now. <a href="https://babka.social/tags/trauma" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#trauma</a> <a href="https://babka.social/tags/cPTSD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cPTSD</a> <a href="https://babka.social/tags/cPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cPTSDRecovery</a>

thegrumpyenbyIs it "normal" that I'm constantly irritated/borderline angry while in autistic burnout? I don't remember this from last time, but last time my autistic burnout was all mixed up with grief. So rather complicated.I do remember having a lot less patience for people's bullshit, though. A couple of friendships ended because of that. And tbh that was probably for the better, in retrospect. Turns out masked me lets people get away with treating me badly, but burnt-out me doesn't suffer any fools.I just hate feeling so irritated. Like, I'm irritated by myself as well. It's not fun. So if anyone has advice, happy to hear it. Even if I get irritated listening lolboosts welcome <a href="https://tenforward.social/tags/actuallyAutistic" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#actuallyAutistic</a> <a href="https://tenforward.social/tags/AuDHD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#AuDHD</a> <a href="https://tenforward.social/tags/ADHD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ADHD</a> <a href="https://tenforward.social/tags/AutisticBurnout" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#AutisticBurnout</a> <a href="https://tenforward.social/tags/MentalHealth" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#MentalHealth</a> <a href="https://tenforward.social/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a>

Amanda MitchellSensitive subject #mentalhealth and religion

BluedotmoI've spent the last 3 years stuck in my own head, and a near constant state of panic. I take medication, and I'm in therapy. All that trauma from childhood is legit, and I carry it like a stone. I'm fighting to get to a better place, and I won't quit. I know I'm not the only one. If this is you too, don't give up! I know there are better things on the other side. <a href="https://mastodon.social/tags/cptsdrecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cptsdrecovery</a>

ErrAs a child learning to pretend to sleep was an invaluable skill. I also learned to detest the smell of stale beer. How many Saturday and Sunday mornings did I wake up, alone, and have to smell the empties piled on the kitchen table, and what kind of person was going to come out of my Mother and Step Father's door? How quiet I needed to be, so quiet, if I woke them before they were ready I would get yelled at. The absolute randomness of their behavior destroyed me. I will heal with the help of good people that are patient enough to understand the hell of growing up in an emotionally and physically abusive home. <a href="https://hear-me.social/tags/cptsdrecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cptsdrecovery</a> <a href="https://hear-me.social/tags/cpstd" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cpstd</a>

ErrChildhood abuse

ErrUntil I learn to stop hating and fearing myself I won't truly know how to stop hurting those around me. But I am trying really really hard to like myself and trust myself. <a href="https://hear-me.social/tags/cptsd" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cptsd</a> <a href="https://hear-me.social/tags/cptsdrecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#cptsdrecovery</a>

Anarchy HowGonna do the hard thing that's the easy thing for most other people.<a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/TraumaDiary" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#TraumaDiary</a> Like, embarrassingly so.<a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/CPTSD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSD</a>

Anarchy HowThere will be some touch-up work to do tomorrow for sure. These square decals don't exactly work well with curved surfaces.So I'm going to use some micro-sol and micro-set to try and get the painted-on look.How do you pronounce "decal"? The people I listened to were Canadian and it sounded something like "deck-ehl".<a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/ModelingMonday" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ModelingMonday</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/TraumaTherapy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#TraumaTherapy</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/enterprise" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#enterprise</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/tos" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#tos</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/StarTrek" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#StarTrek</a>

Anarchy HowThe highlighted ones were new.<a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/ModelingMonday" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ModelingMonday</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/TraumaTherapy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#TraumaTherapy</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/enterprise" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#enterprise</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/tos" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#tos</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/StarTrek" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#StarTrek</a>

Anarchy HowAdded 12 this evening. Here is a comparison between my current status and an in-game screen shot of a generic Constitution-class capital ship from the stellar (parallax) mod Ages of the Federation. <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/ModelingMonday" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ModelingMonday</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/TraumaTherapy" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#TraumaTherapy</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/enterprise" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#enterprise</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/tos" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#tos</a> <a href="https://mastodon.green/tags/StarTrek" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#StarTrek</a>

WoollyBecause yes there's a dog bed on the human bed and yes, one of the cats has stolen it.Today is EMDR treatment day. I'll be laying low with some easy knitting. And as much as it'll be hard fucking work, I'm so very grateful for everyone who donated so I could access treatment. Slowly but surely my mental health is improving.<a href="https://mas.to/tags/EMDR" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#EMDR</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/ComplexPTSD" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#ComplexPTSD</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/CPTSDRecovery" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#CPTSDRecovery</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/AbuseSurvivors" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#AbuseSurvivors</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/GoFundMe" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#GoFundMe</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/Dogs" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#Dogs</a> <a href="https://mas.to/tags/Cats" class="mention hashtag" rel="nofollow noopener" target="_blank">#Cats</a>

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