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ER nurse: How would you rate your pain?
Me: Zero stars. Would not recommend.
Well, this seemed to touch a nerve. 
@qurlyjoe A few years ago when I was in the hospital after getting hit by an SUV, I would regularly have nurses ask me about my pain level on a 1-10 scale for getting through PT or whatever. "I was hit by an SUV last week -- anything short of that doesn't even make it to 1."
@qurlyjoe DilauDash or UberOxy?
@qurlyjoe Killer reslonse! Thx for the laugh 
@qurlyjoe I hate this question because I always rate a one. I have a really, really vivid imagination.
@qurlyjoe 
Unfortunately, I have been asked this question many times. At the highest end, everyone passes out and/or dissociates. Other than that, it’s subjective reporting. I feel compelled to calibrate the scale based on my experience. 10 is my worst migraine. 9 is a bad kidney stone. 8 is surgical pain... but objective indicators of pain exist. They are experimental and expensive (e.g., fMRI). Pain is multidimensional.
@meltedcheese
I’ve had surgical pain, intestinal blockage pain, kidney stone pain. They were all different, and all 11s. Passing out would’ve been a blessing if I’d been able to accomplish that. Because I presented as an opiate abuser my post-surgical pain was under-treated. Years later when the same surgeon did a different procedure on me I asked him about that. He said they “used to think post-op pain promoted healing,” but didn’t anymore.
@qurlyjoe Barbarians! I hope you are past all that, or at least weathering the storms.
@meltedcheese
Thankfully this was all years ago. The kidney stone was most recent, in 2012 or 13.
ER nurse: How likely are you to recommend your pain to family and friends?
@qurlyjoe sorry, but that is pretty good. hope you feel better soon tho
@qurlyjoe show me on the doll where it touched the nerve