Brooke 🏳️‍⚧️: "@stavvers I havn't laughed o…" - Mastodon 🐘

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

she deconstruct my joke format

iamnotlanuk: she deconstruct my joke format til it is indistinguishable from that which it is derived
iamnotlanuk: she suck on my dick til I cum

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

sonic at ramadan

sonic at ramadan: gotta go fast

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

philip

wizardgirl: who is philip and where’s he gettin all this head from &

wizardgirl: Screenshotted reply: hudson no one on tumblr is gonna get this joke no one on here uses tools

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

phantom bees

honeylemony: Screenshot of a comments section:

-every time I eat honey I feel bees stinging me. was wondering if it would happen if no bees were harmed.
-As in you physically feel something
ya. im weird.

-No, you might have an allergy
-oh. really. thanks for suddenly becoming my doctor and knowing my life.
-well you did say you feel a stinging sensation, that is consistent with an allergic reaction

Principal Skinner "kids who are wrong" meme format. Panel 1: Principal Skinner from the Simpsons looks thoughtful against a damaged fence. "Am I allergic to honey?" Panel 2: He looks more resolute. "No, it's the phantom bees out for revenge who are stinging me"

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

old timey henchman voice

thauthage: Kicked out of the bdsm scene for saying “you got it, boss!” in an old timey henchman voice whenever someone tells me what to do

holeenjoyer: kicked out of the old timey henchman scene for saying “yes goddess” in a bdsm voice every time someone tells me what to do

thauthage: hang on we could have something really special here

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

they very much did kill jesus

kim-jong-chill: i need feminism because when jesus does a magic trick it’s a goddamn miracle but when a woman does a magic trick she gets burned at the stake
mattheuphonium: fabulous
tockthewatchdog: i mean they did also kill jesus. that was a pretty significant thing that happened. like i understand where you’re coming from here but they very much did kill jesus.

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

the sins of mankind

hotmeat89: youtube channel of a man giving intense apologies with hysterical and real crying for things he didn't do and knows he didn't do
baegchi: jesus christ atoning for the sins of mankind

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

thomas, a known freak

Jesus, after coming back from the dead: hey guys it's me Jesus, just look at the scars on my hands
Thomas, a known freak: show us the feet as well please

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

meat themed

transgenderer: jesus would be so much cooler if he had, like, a theme. Most gods/demigods have a theme! Even yahweh has a bit of a storm god thing going on. What does jesus have? Fish? Sheep? Bread?
sigmaleph: gods usually have themes because they're part of a pantheon! You distinguish zeus from poseidon because they have different domains and such. If you want jesus theming you have to look at the things that separate him from the rest of the trinity, like crosses and being made of meat
transgenderer: yahweh has a storm/cloud theme, the holy spirit is heavily fire themed but jesus has nothing! He's not even meat themed, he's just made of it. Generic ass god
diescaniculares: laugh rule
abais-ninja-bitch: I think he's pretty meat themed. I think you can say your god is meat themed when miraculous cannibalism/vampirism are a major sacrament

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

the tadpole

should-be-sleeping: In fifth grade a boy tried to impress me by swallowing a whole tadpole lice and I punched him so hard that he puked and the tadpole was fine.
should-be-sleeping: Reply screenshot "truly was not expecting to read anything like that today"

I kept it a terrarium and it became a normal frog despite everything. About a year afterward (I thought) it died so I sadly put it in a shoebox in the shed until the ground thawed enough for a proper funeral but when that day came I opened the box and the frog was fine.

justprettygay: Picture of Jesus emerging from the tomb

should-be-sleeping: This is funnier than anything I have ever said
should-be-sleeping: This post is to Easter what a Geiger counter is to radiation

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

don't worry about it

tarot card called "dont worry about it👍" and its someone standing in front of The Tower covered in blood and looking terrible but smiling and giving you a thumbs up

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

fresh basil pesto

zizelle: ilove homosexuals i love bisexuals i love trans !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yayy ayyayy ayy Weare all sooo ocool

plum-soup: your silence on fresh basil pesto is deafening.

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

police dog training

fun3ral: smell this or you're fired

thedogopera: police dog training

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

how mary shelley lost her virginity

the-macra: Do you guys know how mary shelley lost her virginity

Screenshot of lyrics to the song Monster Mash, saying "It was a graveyard smash"

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

marie antoinette

picsthatmakeyougohmm: A funny cat photo, which is presumably of two cats, but appears that it is one cat who has been beheaded, with its head in a basket.
rubyquant: You BEHEAD Marie Antoinette?
commodorecliche: you CHOP her head like the GUILLOTINE??
quadradaz: OH OH CHAOS FOR FRANCE! CHAOS FOR FRANCE FOR 1000 YEARS!!!!

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

a special appearance from neil gaiman, who uses tumblr, was clearly in this interaction, and is therefore aware that this happened so there's no need to tag the guy

drowzywolf: Change yourlast name it even gay
neil-gaiman: I'll get right on that.
ratpunkdisco: this is the funniest post on this site. everyone go home. nothing is ever going to be better than actual neil gaiman, on tumblr dot com, answering this ask

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

glasses

baetology: Sometimes it blows my mind that there are people that don’t wear glasses/contacts. Like they can literally see with no aid. Like they wake up and just be out here seeing. What a wild concept.

bumblebeebats: And people say stuff like ‘lol don’t you hate it when you look up in the middle of the night and see a spider on your ceiling’ like bitch (1) i could have Nicholas Il last czar of Russia hangin from my ceiling fan and i would be none the wiser

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

plodding cuck engine

headspace-hotel: *googles "how to make it socially shameful and abhorrent to have 8 acres of treeless lawn™

headspace-hotel: Rich people houses have the most blatantly wasteful enormous lawns

I am doing so much on my one little acre...but then I see the McMansion with 10 acres that are just no trees no flowers nothing except grass and | feel such anger and despair...

headspace-hotel: *googles "how to write an article that says personal choices cause. ecological devastation but not if you're a regular person just if you have a giant house with 10 acres of grass®

headspace-hotel: How to give a presentation and invite all the rich people to it and it shows them their giant houses on Google Earth next to the regular people houses and then it says "You have 16 normal sized yards and Iive right next to people whose kids can barely play outside without getting turned into roadkill. You are a feudal lord except you don't even allow the peasants access to your grain mill or blacksmith's forge."

piermanwalter: the key is to make it something they can compete with each other like call it "cultivar maximalism" or something and let them look down upon each other for having only 75 species on their estate. this may lead to victorian era horticultural pillaging and smuggling again but it's got to be an improvement over what we have now

headspace-hotel: hmm I think you're on to something The fundamental American vice is believing everything of your wealth came from hard work, s to deal with the American McMansion problem, someone needs to write a thing in one of those, you know, landscape and design magazines about how flat grass lawns are trashy and lazy-looking, the choice of a man who wants to sit on his ass all day riding around on a dinky little machine. Are you a Real American Man who Works Hard, or are you a Lazy Bum that settles for the Tasteless, Basic Monotony of Flat Grass True Elegance and Sophistication is seen in yards that incorporate 22 Different Prairie Grasses and a Hundred Flowers, imitating the perfection of Nature as closely as possible, as only the most diligent, thoughtful, and sensitive individuals can do

headspace-hotel: Are you willing to put your Rugged Nails in Dirt, or will you placidly ride back and forth, ass planted on your plodding Cuck Engine, like some kind of sheep?

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

horny on main

It is morally correct to be horny on main.

If we really want to fight against this puritanical culture that seems to be hell-bent on running sex workers off the internet and banning pornography wherever they can find it, you have a moral duty to post hole on main. Doesn't have to be your own hole but you got to post it.

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

because you're tall

somecunttookmyurl: one of my favourite things about my boyfriend is that he's 6'4 but convinced he is a normal sized person and this does not constitute “tall” once, if not twice, a week the card game shop he plays digimon at upload a top-4 photo best described as "gandalf and the hobbits” and every time he is genuinely baffled as to why he looks like that
somecunttookmyurl: told him i made this post and he's still insistent that he isn't tall
bf: i'm not tall! i feel like everyone i see is around the same height as me. like people in the street
me: they aren't
bf: but i can see their faces! if i'm looking at their faces they must be the same height
me: you're looking down slightly babe
bf: why would i do that
me: because you're tall

somecunttookmyurl: incidentally the fact i am 5' also comes as a shock to him at least once a day and then he inevitably asks if I'm "normally that short"

your-dearest-antego: Slightly obsessed with your bf. Must drive morosexuals
mad

somecunttookmyurl : if you lean in real close you can hear his singular brain cell bouncing around like a windows screensaver

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

reverse gaslighting

angeltiddies: reverse gaslighting where i pretend to know exactly what you are talking about

invaderxan: academic conferences

urbanfantasyinspiration: Work meetings

greenekatgrey: Interviews

ambulatoryhoodie: Auditory processing disorder

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

lakemojave: Hi honey how was your day at the gaslighting factory?
the-vaudevillain: ive never worked there. stop saying i work there

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

chicago

memequeen-official: A Venn diagram of pizza styles and citation styles. Pizza: stuffed crust, sicilian, wood fired, Detroit, new York. Citation styles: AMA, APA, MLA, AP, IEEE. at the overlap is Chicago.
difty-dift: circles are now triangles. A third has been added: Broadway musicals. It includes wicked, cabaret, my fair lady, rent and moulin rouge. Chicago is at the intersection

genericalosers: a fourth triangle is added. Shocked exclamations. It includes what the fuck, zoonks, oh my god, oh no, aaah. It intersects with Broadway musicals at mamma mia and citation styles at IEEE
lizbukchoy: Another triangle added. Things that are too expensive. It contains vegetables, adobe software, healthcare. It intersects with Broadway musicals at rent and pizza styles with new york

sophisticatedoyster: another triangle added at the top. Chess openings. Contains crab, King's Indian, ruy lopez, pirc. Intersects with citation styles at Oxford and pizza styles at sicilian

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

unalive

I truly hate the word "unalive." There are so many other euphemisms that fictional Italian mobsters worked so hard to provide you with and you just ignore them.

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

among us yaoi

guiltiest-gear: Any character can have big naturals if you imagine hard enough, like Walter White

guiltiest-gear: Oh so people will reblog among us yaoi but not Walter White Big Naturals huh

that-house:
Subject: above post

Dear @guiltiest-gear,

Hi! This post is alright but what really intrigues me is your mention of "among us yaoi." If you don't mind, could you elaborate on that subject? Thank you in advance!

Sincerely,

@that-house

guiltiest-gear:
Subject: Re: above post

Dear @that-house,

Thank you for asking and for your continued interest in my posts! Among us yaoi is gay sex between two crewmates, perhaps including the impostor as well. Hope this answers your question.

Sincerely,

@guiltiest-gear

that-house:
Subject: Re: Re: above post

Dear @guiltiest-gear,

Thank you for getting back to me so quickly! Your response answers some of my questions but raises an important follow-up question: is among us yaoi a form of yuri? I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely,

@that-house

guiltiest-gear:
Subject: Re: Re: Re: above post

Dear @that-house,

Thanks again for your questions! Among us yuri could technically be another form of yuri, as crewmates and impostors are often not depicted as either male or female in any clear or obvious resemblance. Although one could investigate the genders of said crewmates to give an exact determination of whether it would be yaoi, yuri, or straight sex, it matters not in the end. Love is love after all. Thank you again for your continued support.

Sincerely,

@guiltiest-gear

that-house:
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: above post

Dear @guiltiest-gear,

This world is so full of wonder! Thank you for explaining the complexities of among us yaoi and/or yuri to me. Please never email me again, as this was a harrowing experience I do not wish to repeat. Thank you and goodbye.

Sincerely,

@that-house
AND SCENE! OK EVERYONE THAT'S A WRAP FOR TODAY, GREAT JOB OUT THERE. JADE, I LOVED WHAT YOU DID TYING THE CLASSIC "I SEE NO DIFFERENCE, LOVE IS LOVE" MEME INTO THE EXISTING DISCUSSION, FUCKING PHENOMENAL IMPROVISED LINE. WE'RE GONNA RUN THIS CUT BY SOME TEST AUDIENCES AND SEE IF WE NEED TO DO A RESHOOT, BUT GREAT JOB TODAY. AWESOME STUFF. I'M GONNA GO DO A LINE OF COKE IN MY OFFICE. PEACE

anon-was-taken:
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: above post Dear @that-house and @guiltiest-gear, While | am glad that you two are having a civil discussion about the categorization of sexual intercourse between two Among Us crewmates, | need to ask that you refrain from doing so on your company mail accounts. Corporate has already asked several questions to which we would rather not have the answers, up to and including where they can find Among Us yaoi. Sincerely, @anon-was-taken

sword-and-nightingale: horrific: even on tumblr I cannot escape emails

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

i can make him

moonachilles: Jane Austen really said ‘I respect the “I can fix him” movement but that’s just not me. He’ll fix himself if knows what’s good for him’ and that’s why her works are still calling the shots today.

nitewrighter: Meanwhile Emily Brönte just said “We can make each other worse.”

theonlycabbage: Mary Shelley said, "I can make him

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

not every single long sentence is a song title by fall out boy

heijian: not every single long sentence is a song title by fall out boy

parkway-nosedive: there are two ways to read this

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

the poisoner

fridaynightshameblog: GOD OKAY ALRIGHT

Imagine a boyband and one of them chooses the gimmick "the poiosner"

Like in interviews he drops hints that he's taken lives ans he jokes about not leaving your food with him and all his clothes have like snakes or green vials in the design

gimmickbird: I stand by this, every boy band needs the bad boy, the nice one, the sensitive one, the athletic one and The Poisoner

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

feral pizza

mille-marteaux: ordered pizza from a small local place and they didnt actually cut it so i've chosen to revert to a wild animal and begin ripping it apart instead of just using a knife to portion slices

absolutely visceral experience. food is so much more satisfying when you have to fight it. i may be feral

i am not proud to say this but that pizza lasted fifteen minutes. i normally am not that gluttonous, but this goes beyond glutton. there was gluttony and wrath. a whirlwind of sauce, cheese, and pepperoni, all atop a flatbread that was shred apart by my own hands due to the neglect of another

in that moment i was wild. i was free. i understood the simplest joys in life. the joy of eating and manifesting my own destiny

been reflecting on this all day and the unsliced pizza experience honestly ruled. i think everyone should try it sometime or another. you have not truly lived until you just absolutely obliterated a pizza in such a feral manner

circuitofficial: MS paint art of a red-eyed, sharp toothed figure on all fours in an animalistic pose with a pizza in their mouth. Next to it, a very blurred picture of the same figure captioned with keys mashing

is this you

mille-marteaux: yes
run

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

sexism tw

novac: Formaldehyde < girl name
Asbestos < boy name

novac: Screenshotted tags: wow, sexism tw

This is the funniest tag

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

kafka

exitwound: Screenshot of an amazon search for "books by Kafka" sorted by most recently added. The first result is for a book titled "Soup, a way of life" by Barbara Kafka. It is illustrated with a cosy picture of a bowl of soup

not the kafka I was looking for but there are some really good points

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

coachella

*goes to Coachella in a white linen suit like an antebellum lawyer, sweating profusely and dabbing at my forehead with a handkerchief* now, I’m no fancy scientist, but would you folk know where a simple gentleman such as myself could obtain some acid? Now, I’m no big city lawyer, but could any of you fine youths point a country boy such as myself in the direction of some fucking acid?

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

quacking in my boobs

anarcho-skamunist: quacking in my boobs over this
Self reblog: quaking
Self reblog: boots. Fucker.

subspaceskater: Manipulated image of a white duck. A red bra and boobs have been added

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

avignon

twitter has apparently unverified the pope. i need a bishop in avignon to decide to be the funniest person on the internet

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

armageddon

universeofmemes: Satan, 15 minutes into armageddon realising humans are already adapting and doing memes about demons
React image of Nicolas Caye looking contemplative, as if he has made a huge mistake
homoromo: Me waiting to get raptured but it's taking kind of an awkward amount of time and I'm starting to hear the screams of terrible agony
Mr Bean react meme in four panels of him waiting in a field, checking his watch, sitting down then lying down

Me watching the homophobic neighbour that told me I was going to hell get dragged away by demons
React image of a guy smiling through a venetian blind
The wikipedia editors updating the armageddon page literally seconds after people started getting teleported to heaven
Stock image of fingers typing fast
Spongebob meme. Squidward looks through a window at Patrick and Bob. Squidward is labelled "Me who just woke up", the others labelled "angels and demons having the most epic battle of good and evil"
Some demons chaining them up: you are my prisoner now
Wattpad mafia boss fanfic writers: skeletor pointing. "Jokes on you I'm into that shit"
sword-and-nightingale: imagine if the rapture happened and this was how you found out

heyitsphoenixx: supernatural meme
Castiel: I love you
Dean: Armageddon is upon us

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

peeing again

freakoutgirl:
me when someone asks if i have a twitter or whatever: idk i'm not really on social media that much me on tumblr: peeing again

vomitdistrict: what colour

freakoutgirl:
Screenshot of a tweet:
2013: i better use a fake name online 2016: i guess i can use my real name 2018: Sorry To my Fans for being late posting todays pee color

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

penis coladas

reimu: if instead it was “do you like penis coladas that would be fucked up and wrong on so many levels. but it merits discussion.

reimu: sorry also

motherfucker-unlimited: and getting cock in the rain

reimu: i want you to know that i also thought that line. i also thought ‘and getting cock in the rain’ but i didn’t post it. because i thought for sure that would be too far’.

look what you've done to this post.

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

tumblr monastery

catilinas: tumblr university is OUT tumblr monastery is IN brother tumblrinus is painstakingly copying out the most interesting prev tags on a manuscript of vergil until the abbot calls him out for not making his proto-gothic script accessible enough and also for his heresies

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

jeanpaul-georges ringeaux

solongfranklloydwright: the french beatles

jean, paul, george, et ringeaux

bicostanza: its actually one guy named jeanpaul-georges ringeaux and the only instrument he plays is the cigarette

Another Angry Woman @stavvers@masto.ai

cherry tomatoes

araxoolie: Whose idea was it to use cherry tomatoes in salads Like yeah they're tasty but How the hell am I supposed to get this greased-up sphere onto my fork
ultraviolet-divergence: They should be cut in half!
araxoolie: I feel like that's a bit extreme of a punishment for having bad ideas about salads

Brooke @psiie@mstdn.social

I havn't laughed out loud this hard at a meme in months!

Apr 25, 2023, 04:43 PM·

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