She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet she’ll mark the exact spot.

What do you call a mobster who’s buried in cement? A hardened criminal.

She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet she’ll mark the exact spot.

The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it.

Why did Beethoven get rid of his chickens? All they said was, “Bach, Bach, Bach…”

What happens to an illegally parked frog? It gets toad away.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Some men say they don’t wear their wedding band because it cuts off circulation. Well, that’s the point, isn’t it?

You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.

She leaves me with the feeling that when we bury the hatchet she’ll mark the exact spot.

Did you hear about the shepherd who drove his sheep through town? He was given a ticket for making a ewe turn.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? No­bel, so I knock knocked.

The reason some politicians like to stand on their record is to keep voters from examining it.

Knock, knock. Who’s there? Nobel. Nobel who? No­bel, so I knock knocked.

What is the best thing about living in Switzerland? Well, the flag is a big plus.

If you arrest a mime, do you have to tell him he has the right to remain silent?

What do you need in order to make a small fortune on Wall Street? A large fortune.

What’s a dog’s favorite homework assignment? A lab report.

I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

You can’t believe everything you hear—but you can repeat it.

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