(they | he) @a_lias@mstdn.social

also lol I've been trying out he/they on this plattform so... also a good expample for different pronouns for different contexts

I've seen people who have one set of pronouns if the ones using them for them are queer and others if cishet people are talking about them or with trans and cis. and I thought although that last one isn't perfect either (because some trans people also equate pronouns to gender and some cis don't and some people are neither cis nor trans and and and), it's one that could work for me to some degree. aaaanyways... anyone here in a similar situation? 😇 how do you do it?

I think I'd like to have he/him used by people I'm close to as a way to acknowlege and honor my masculinity/butchness but I don't want to be mistaken for a man. and I guess there are people in my live who understand that neither my mascness/butchness nor the pronouns I like make me a man but I fear my non-binary identity might get erased when adding he/him, so different pronouns for different contexts would make a lot of sense for me, but I don't know where to draw the line.

I've seen a few people talk publicly about using different pronouns depending on context and I must say, I'm intrigued. I mean I'm doing it already with wanting strangers and acquaintances to use he/him (mostly for safety reasons), and everyone who know's I'm non-binary to use they/them but I think I might want to change that.

.... and uhmm I don't know, why do people get their ears pierced? were they dysphoric about their earlobes? why do people get tattoos or do whatever with their bodies? How come it's widely understood that these kinds of body modifications are (most of the time) seen as a form of self expression or done for whatever reason but when it comes to (especially medical) transition, the only way to justify that is with intense suffering?

it's basically laid out like this: if you're dysphoric, go ahead and transition, if you're not, then why would you want to alter your body?? wouldn't that just make you dysphoric??

and I'm pretty confident in labeling myself non dysphoric just because I have experienced extreme distress that could be called "dysphoria" but not stemming from the lack of connection to my AGAB/how I'm perceived/how I perceive myself and my body. And somehow this makes it really difficult to justify my transition, socially but especially medically, and I guess that has to do with a very one-dimentional understanding of the decision making process in transitioning.

... and I do think that part of my not finding others is that there's little consensus about what dysphoria means and that whole dysphoria-euphoria binary. I don't find it helpful to label everything ranging from slight discomfort to extrem distress "dysphoria", or to call the lack of euphoria "dysphoria". If I were to use that definition, I'm just erasing my narrative.

HELLLOOOO IS THERE ANYONE WHO IS TRANSITIONING NOT BECAUSE OF DYSPHORIA??
.... I'm getting a bit frustrated because I only find people who have dysphoria talking about "do you need dysphoria to be trans???" online and I don't need people debating whether or not I'm trans, I need other non dysphoric trans people talking about their experience with transitioning, is that too much to ask for??

so I'd be happy to read about your experiences if you want to share them! I also don't have people who had top surgery to talk to irl and thought, here might be a good place to ask.

I'm quite confident in my position but still, I feel the pressure the dominance of this narrative creates and sometimes fall back to feeling like the only reason to justify having surgery is pure survival, anything else is some kind of luxury and/or irresponsible considering the pain, exhaustion and possible complications that come with surgery.

Don't get me wrong - being dysphoric about one's chest is of course a valid reason for surgery but it can't be the only one. And the people I've told about my plans are supportive and all but they don't get that this is not something I "just have to do" but more an option that seems appealing because to me the benefits outweigh the risks. And I think I don't like this kind of narrative being applied to me that centers a kind of suffering I don't experience and erases my agency.

anyone here who had or is thinking about getting top surgery for different reasons than dysphoria? anyone with mixed feelings before/after?

I'm in the process of getting it and the few cis people I've told seem to try to apply some narrative of it being my only option onto me that I don't think fits well. I also don't correct them because then I might have to justify my decision to them and I don't want or need to do that.
(feel free to boost if you want)

update: things must be available in german - if you only have english resources, pls continue to send them to me and I'll look up if there are also german translations

any media is fine as far as I know... books, videos, podcasts or anything else! and pls only recommend stuff you have seen/read/listened to, I want to make sure as well as I can that those sources are reliable.

Enbies and/or trans only: do you have resources for people who don't know anything about being trans/non binary or are really misinformed? I'm having a hard time thinking of anything that explains the basics but doesn't simplify things. Maybe something with a bit of gender theory, trans history and with different personal experiences maybe? or at least corrects some myths because the person receiving this seems to be very misinformed... pls boost if you want! :) thx

#Introduction @makegodgayagain@kolektiva.social

came here today (!!!) and I'm trying to leave Instagram and Facebook as I think many are-
I'm 21, queer/gay/bi, trans non-binary (unsure about he/him pronouns but want to give it a try here), mixed-race with close proximity to whiteness, maybe ADHD but not 100% sure yet, middle class background, recovering addict.

I don't really know what I'll be doing here but connecting with others is a good start I guess? 🤓