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Bros be like “I was built for a more brutal world before civilization” and can’t use a fucking can opener

I literally had a dude tell me once that he wanted to go out like Liam Neeson in The Gray, I was like bitch you live in the suburbs

The wildest animal you’ve ever seen is a stray cat, that your elderly neighbor won’t stop feeding, named “Poops”

I don’t want my kids to grow up soft

Well, I FUCKING DO

I hope my kids don’t have to work at 15, I hope my kids don’t have to be embarrassed by their patched up hand-me-down clothes, I hope my kids are soft and gentle and learn Shakespeare and Latin and write poetry and compose music, and never have to worry about money or healthcare or peace because that…that MEANS WE FUCKING WON

“I must study politics and war, that our sons may have liberty to study mathematics and philosophy.

Our sons ought to study mathematics and philosophy, geography, natural history and naval architecture, navigation, commerce and agriculture

in order to give their children a right to study painting, poetry, music, architecture, statuary, tapestry and porcelain.”

-John Adams

“I hope my grandkids grow up to be soyboys who don’t understand one goddamn thing about war or politics or math or how to build ships, I bet they’re going to make dope ass pots and lay down sick beats and probably weave baskets I don’t give a shit”

-John Fucking Adams

@RobinHood and then, his son died throwing a shitfit in congress about how the Mexican American War sucked ass

somewhere his father was saying "hell yeah that's my boy"

@RobinHood an alternative quote (which I'm probably misquoting) and which goes generations further is

"Hard times make good men.
Good men make easy times.
Easy times make soft men.
Soft men make hard times"

@suetanvil @RobinHood I always interpreted the quote in more of an economic sense (eg the trope of "first gen makes the wealth, second gen builds it, third gen squanders") than a military one. But that's a heartening article regardless, good to have some evidence-based optimism

@RobinHood but... John Quincy Adams grew up to study politics and war even more.

You failed Johnny!

@RobinHood How you except a child to learn Latin and remain soft and gentle is a mystery to me.

@RobinHood yeah, what happened to "automation will make humanity a leisure class"

don't answer that, the answer is capitalism

@RobinHood That’s easy enough. Park at a national park and start walking. 🤣

@RobinHood struggles with the little child-proof metal tab on their Bic lighter

@RobinHood I learned how to open cans with a knife when i was five

it's a useful skill to have.

that doesn't make you ready to fight zombies in the post apocalyptic nuclear desert

just, you know, able to open a can, without cutting your hand open 🤷🏻‍♀️

@RobinHood "my genes long for the open moors"

(gets uncomfortable 2 degrees above or below 72 F)

@RobinHood Bros be like "I'm gonna stick it to the man by taking over a bird sanctuary ranger station on Christmas in the middle of the high desert" and then realize that it's cold and there's not a Burger King or running water for like 150km then go on the internet like "durr send snacks"

@RobinHood This reminds me of something an old Russian Jew I used to work with said. We were talking at a work lunch thing, and somehow the topic of an eye for an eye came up. I don’t remember how, someone mentioned it because our colleagues were a bunch of right wingers.

“People don’t really know what an eye for an eye means. My grandparents met when he killed a Cossack who was trying to rape her. That’s what it means.”

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