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My best thrift shop finds ever.

I haven't gone to one of those shops since the pandemic because I don't feel comfortable walking around for hours, looking at things, getting lost in thought, in a maskless crowd.
I do miss it, though.

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This is one of my neighbor's cats.
He is the reason I get out of bed before noon (sometimes).💕

He waits on top of the shed and when he senses I'm starting to wake up, he starts crying until I open the window and let him in.
He plops onto my bed. Here he is a king.👑

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Hi, I am a nearly half a century old Dutch person who is overwhelmed a lot of the time.
I am dedicated to working decades of old trauma out of my rickety body. When I get rid of the all-pervasive fear I'll hopefully start painting again, which made me feel like everything was right with the world. For now I'm creatively constipated and trying to navigate through the fog in my head. (It's hard to find words.)

Would like to follow un-normal people who are as inconsistent as I am. One day post photos of cats, food or moss, next day rage against the government's herd immunity policy, only to be quiet and thoughtful the next. 
Sometimes I actually manage to say something insightful or funny.
Mostly I'm looking for a place where it's safe to be me until the fear which has ruled my life is gone. Then everywhere will be safe.

Small moment in the backyard today; eating some leftovers inbetween scrolling social media (way too much) and carrying boxes with stuff out of the tiny bedroom.

My sister and brother-in-law will return on Friday, for his next project: the tiny bedroom.

Here's some photos of what my living room looks like now that I finally have a decent floor in. It's cork, with a layer of rubber-cork underneath it, for insulation.

This is the room where I spend most of my life, so it was important to me that it be a good floor.

It feels like me and I love it 😊

Already in bed for a change. It's only 0:30am. Tired.

There's a mosquito whining around the little tent, it's such a nice mosquito net-tent.
That little bitch is complaining loudly and she can't get to me, ha! (Sounds so close though..)

Hope I won't have to pee in the middle of the night.

Trying to decide which I prefer: photos of people's plates at dinnertime or photos of bare feet (men's) underneath loose cotton trousers.

Why choose though?

Time to sleep.👋🌠

Superglue: for when something's broken and you want to glue the pieces to your fingers

I guess it's *shooting star* in English?🌠
I don't know why, they do indeed look like they are falling.

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Sneaked into my neighbor's backyard to sit on his swing seat and look at the stars. (I could hear him cussing inside, gaming.)

It wasn't even 10 seconds before I saw a MASSIVE FALLING STAR.🌠

And I mean massive, the trail seemed a thick plume of smoke and made me watch for some sort of impact.
Massive, massive falling star. Never seen anything like it. Wow.

Sat there for another minute, but was so impressed I went back inside. That was it, that was today's dessert.

▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓▓░░░░░░░░░░ 60%

some books
really hurt
when the main character dies

other books
really hurt
when they fall on your head

How bout this, any day it's hotter than 30 the day's written off. The only people going to work are emergency services, banks cut a day off the mortgage, you get ten quid back from the tax man for food and 7kw/h of electricity for the day, stay home and get in front of a fan and read a book and don't make any more heat, hunker down and ride it out and don't try to pretend that it's okay or normal or workable, that's your job for today. In economic terms we pretend this day didn't happen.

Fruit karma 

I was pondering the fact that there are a lot fewer raspberries growing in my backyard than last year (probably because I cut them wrong or something) and felt a bit sad about it.
Then, just a few days later, I found a small plum in the back (dropped by a bird, I thought).
Then I saw more of them.

To my surprise some came from a branch I saved a while ago. My neighbor and his father were working in the backyard and wanted to cut it out of a piece of fence it had grown through, but I convinced them to cut the fence instead. The branch is a thin, young plum tree!

Then we realised his neighbor has a plum tree (the original) bursting with ripe plums. We kept hearing muffled sounds of plums falling in grass, on the path between backyards, in gardens. They were just lying there, getting eaten by bugs and snails.

So I collected enough to make a bit of jam.😋

Floors and chaos and boxes. 

My sister and brother-in-law stayed over because it's a long drive for them, and it was hard.
Overwhelming and hard; I felt pretty broken for most of the week after, so a bit of the opposite of looking forward to their next stay.

I still can't find the words for what they said to me, but it was soul crushing and made me question myself, despite everything.

Anyway, there will probably be months between the next visit and the one after, so I have to hold on for one more week.

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Floors and chaos and boxes. 

Chaos in the house. I'm finally getting real floors, with insulation underneath.

I had the materials lying around for a year, but no-one to put them in, and now the living room has been done, and the hall.
Next week the tiny room upstairs, but the bedroom will have to wait again, due to my brother-in-law's holiday being over (and my money spent - I pay him).

I've been rearranging my stuff for days and when a room is being done, all the stuff has to be stuffed into another room, so lots of stuff everywhere.
But I can finally fill my bookcases again.
No more boxes stacked everywhere, that was making me very restless and uncomfortable. (That feeling when you've just moved to another place, but for years.)

The living room floor is cork. Good for me, good for the environment, good for the gas bill, hopefully. It looks nice and warm.

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